100% Survival Rate

I do not want to minimise how destructive and relentless Coronavirus, or its impact is. My heart aches for everyone who has lost somebody they love during this time. I hope that through our collective recovery, a new love and appreciation for life can be found.

When Coronavirus hit the UK I thought 'well that’s me fucked', and then continued with my day.

Throughout the UK there was an overriding sense of fear, anxiety, and doom as we were all suddenly confronted with our own mortality. This is a healthy, natural reaction to a crisis, but not one I could relate to. In fact, I was feeling the polar opposite, experiencing a sense of calm and familiarity.

I have a condition called spontaneous anaphylaxis. This means that my body, for some unknown reason, has anaphylaxis regularly. Anaphylaxis is a severe and life threatening reaction. Symptoms include: your airway swelling and closing making it impossible to breathe; your heart rate increasing drastically as your blood pressure drops; developing widespread swelling and hives; and you can lose consciousness. It can develop within seconds and rapidly worsens. Usually this occurs due to allergens or triggers, which can then be avoided. However, for me it usually happens with no apparent trigger, which makes it impossible to control. I have anaphylaxis every couple of months, with less severe reactions on a weekly basis. I spend a lot of time in hospital, and it has a huge impact on all aspects of my life.

I know that my chances of surviving Coronavirus if I develop it, are reduced. Due to my condition, if I become ill my immune system doesn’t just attack the illness. It also attacks my body- often resulting in systemic anaphylaxis. This, alongside severe asthma and taking long term medications to try and lessen the severity of anaphylaxis has put me in the severe risk category for Coronavirus.

On reflection, maybe I am always living in a state of crisis, not knowing when I will next have anaphylaxis. I think my calmness during Coronavirus is due to being forced to face my own mortality regularly. Certainly in a different way, maybe sometimes subconsciously, but it is always there. Whilst I try to normalise my condition in daily life, the reality is that anaphylaxis has almost, and could, kill me at any point. I never plan too far in the future because I never know when or how bad my next reaction will be.

I joke I have a 100% survival rate, but my brain immediately reminds me ‘so far’.

Anaphylaxis has forced me to face each day as it comes, and to appreciate every single moment both good and bad. Spending a lot of time in hospital can be lonely and scary. But it has allowed me to reflect and discover who and what is important to me. It has especially helped to focus my energy and time. My condition has given me so much to be thankful for:

I have become a lot more grateful for the small things in life, which in turn simplifies it.

I take care of my body. I eat healthily, exercise regularly and drink lots of water.

I have become kinder to myself and prioritise my mental health.

I have become kinder to others. We really have no idea what is happening in other people’s lives. Every single person faces their own continual crisis, whatever this may be.

I have become a better nurse. I don't just empathise with patients, I have a gained an insight and appreciation that wouldn't be possible without being a patient myself.

I hope that when this is over, we all feel more grateful. Grateful to be alive and to realise what is truly important in life, simplifying it for all of us.

Sending love and strength x