LET'S TALK #MENTALHEALTH
- Allergic2Life
- May 19, 2020
- 5 min read
It’s Mental Health Awareness Week! Lockdown has brought the importance of mental health to the forefront of our minds. Whilst the stigma surrounding mental health has reduced hugely in recent years, I am very aware that as a society we still struggle discussing it openly.
The blunt truth is that we will all struggle with our mental health during our lifetime. It’s inevitable, but it is not something to be scared of.
Mental health is an integral part of us which contributes enormously to our overall health, and it’s something that needs to be cared for and nurtured. So let’s empower ourselves and each other to take ownership of our mental health and well- being, allowing us to approach it in a constructive and compassionate way.
Until I posted my first blog, unless you knew me closely it would have been almost impossible to be aware of my illness or the implications it has on my mental health.
I am constantly swinging between my ‘normal’ life and then fighting for my life.
There are two halves of me, and they are so polar opposite that I struggle being forced to yo-yo between them.
Numerous healthcare professionals have said to me "you must be constantly terrified", and my reply is always "not really, I’m used to it now". And that’s true. I am used to it. It’s become my normal. I don’t ever panic when I have anaphylaxis. I know the protocols that need to be followed, I know the medications I need and I know I need a hospital. If you panic things go wrong, and I can’t afford for things to go wrong. However, it is important to acknowledge that just because living in this see- saw state of survival has become my ‘normal’, doesn’t mean I can ignore the effects it has on my mental health.
It’s in the aftermath of a reaction that I struggle.
I have nightmares and panic attacks, reliving the sensation of being paralysed and not being able to move or breathe.
If I’ve had a recent traumatic reaction, I struggle with sleep. If I’m awake I can give myself adrenaline and call an ambulance. If I’m asleep how can I monitor my airway?
It’s the subconscious risk assessing of everyday life. I do it automatically, constantly, without processing what I’m doing. What is the risk of cross contamination of food? What is the chance of someone opening a bag of nuts on this train? How far away is the nearest hospital? How busy is the traffic today and how would it affect the arrival speed of an ambulance? If I go there alone, is it busy enough that if I collapsed a passer-by would find me?
It’s the overwhelming guilt I feel for creating the constant worry that my loved ones experience. My family are in a constant state of anxiety that I could at any point have anaphylaxis, and they wouldn’t be able to do anything about it. If I haven’t answered their calls they immediately have images of me back in the resuscitation room fighting for my life. My mum is traumatised by the time I called her at 2am not being able to breathe, and all she could do was listen on the phone as I lay slumped in the hallway by myself waiting for paramedics to arrive.
It’s the unpredictability of life that I can’t control. It’s relying on strangers to save my life and having no control over it. It’s the frustration of people not understanding how terrifying it feels to physically not be able to get oxygen into your lungs. It’s the pure exhaustion of my body attacking itself and that at that moment in time, the only thing I care about is surviving. It’s spending weeks alone in hospital in pain. It’s having to stay in bed for days after a reaction and only having the energy to take medication. It’s feeling like no one understands what I have been through, because they don’t and they can’t.
‘Find comfort in the chaos’
There is no debating that I can’t control my physical health- trust me I’ve tried every method imaginable. I have discovered though that my mental health is more able to be controlled.
At least certain aspects of it. I can promote my mental well-being by practising mindfulness, exercising, promoting ‘self- care’ and being kind to myself. Moreover, acknowledging and accepting my thoughts allows me to decide how I proactively respond to them in a compassionate way. This gives me a huge amount of control in one aspect of my health, regardless of what is happening physically.
I now try to be a lot more open with people in my life about how I am feeling. The difference it makes saying ‘I am struggling today’ and having an honest conversation, rather than ignoring or silencing your emotions is huge. There doesn’t necessarily have to be a solution, or even a distraction. Sometimes, just acknowledging, understanding and voicing my thoughts changes my outlook for the entire day. It allows others to understand what I am experiencing and why I may be reacting in certain ways, and therefore allows them to help me more effectively.
It has also enabled others in my life to feel more able to openly discuss their mental health. It is now normal between my family and friends for us to openly ask "how is your mental health?" and have a frank and honest conversation about it.
It’s this butterfly effect that fills me with hope.
Of course there are factors outside of our control that directly contribute to struggles with our mental health. However, there is so much we can control, on both a personal and societal level.
We can control proactively looking after our mental well-being. We can control our willingness to discuss mental health openly to reduce the stigma. We can control ‘normalising’ asking for professional help. We can control starting conversations and asking "are you okay?" We can control listening with empathy. We can control our judgement and assumptions.
Above all, we can control our kindness and we can control our compassion.
If there is one message I hope to send by writing this piece so openly, it is to always be kind. I said in my first blog post that every single person faces their own continual crisis, whatever this may be. You now know that anaphylaxis is my crisis. We have no idea the battles that others are facing behind closed doors.
Be kind, always.
Sending love and strength x
Mental Health Support - Help is Hope!
Immediate risk: Always dial 999
Please always seek professional advice if needed.
Helplines:
Samaritans: 116 123
MIND: 0300 123 3393 www.mind.org.uk
Anxiety UK: 03444 775 774 www.anxietyuk.org.uk
PAPYRUS Young Suicide Prevention: 0800 068 4141 www.papyrus-uk.org
More resources and helplines can be found at:
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