Please body, give me a break 🙏

Once again I find myself experiencing the other side of healthcare, as an inpatient and a mystery to the medics. Just over a week after I posted my first ever blog, I’ve ended up having the most severe and painful reaction aside from anaphylaxis that I’ve ever had. I’ve now been in hospital for four days with severe urticaria covering my whole body.

The best way to describe the sensation is a combination of deep burns, with an aggressive itch and pins and needles.

My tongue and throat intermittently swell and I’m wheezy at times. On top of this my hands and fingers are three times their normal size, and all my joints feel like I’m being stabbed with a hot poker. It’s unmanageable, I can’t eat and drink properly or sleep at all. I just continuously writhe around in a combination of excruciating pain and itchiness. I want to de-skin myself and I’m not responding to any medication. I’m being managed by Immunology, Rheumatology, Haematology and Dermatology. So far they’ve agreed it’s a systemic autoimmune response to something unknown, which has also caused allergic arthritis. But that’s as far as we’ve got. No one can understand why my body isn’t responding to all the medications I’m being continuously given.

I’m on 2 strong IV steroids, 3 strong IV antihistamines, IV pain relief, IV maintenance fluids, plus my usual medications and inhalers, alongside a variety of topical creams. Despite all of these interventions, my rash is still spreading and becoming more aggressive; I’m hypotensive; tachycardic; and my white cells and neutrophils are becoming more raised each day.

I’m trying my hardest to find some positives amongst this, so ...

IT'S INTERNATIONAL NURSES WEEK!!!

Nursing both simultaneously fixes and breaks my heart, and I feel extremely lucky and privileged to have found my passion in life. Now more than ever I am proud to call myself a nurse and I have an eternal love and respect for all my nursing family. I find it challenging, and in all honestly I struggle having to constantly switch between being the nurse and being the patient. However, currently being an inpatient is allowing me to reflect on the core essence of nursing- to advocate for your patient whilst providing medical interventions and individualised compassionate care. So thank you to all the angel nurses who are looking after me at the moment. Thank you for continuously bringing me ice buckets to try and soothe my pain when no drugs are working; thank you for not just listening to me but actually hearing me; thank you for keeping me company pacing the corridor throughout the night when I’m in too much pain. Above all thank you for putting up with me being the patient from hell (all nurses are!!) Thank you for not just giving me the medical interventions that I require, but also for giving me empathy, courage and kindness- the true definition of a nurse.

HAPPY INTERNATIONAL NURSES WEEK 2020!!

Thank you SO much for everyone who has been texting, calling and FaceTiming me trying to keep my spirits high- you all make the world of difference and I’m truly grateful 💜 Stay safe everyone, sending lots of love x